Polyamorous individuals discuss polyamory, emphasizing its definition and importance for awareness.
Diving into the world of polyamory can be puzzling for many, as it's often misrepresented in the media. Here, we chat with folks who've embraced this unique lifestyle and share their insights to help clear up the confusion.
Testimonials from your polyam pals (Warning: Language may be uncensored)
Interviews have been condensed and edited for clarity.
Corinne, 28
On the (un)realities of polyamory:
Contrary to what you might think, polyamory isn't just an open relationship. It's a broader term that encompasses various non-monogamous arrangements. An open relationship, where two people can have outside sexual encounters without emotional attachment, is just one way to be non-monogamous.
Her advice for those curious about polyamory:
Before diving in, reflect on what creates a sense of romantic safety for yourself. This will help you design relationships that bring support and fulfillment. Communicate early on about why you're drawn to non-monogamy, establish boundaries, and discuss how to handle difficult emotions like jealousy. It's crucial to have external support outside of your romantic relationships from individuals who understand non-monogamy, be it a mentor, friend, or therapist.
Resources that aid her journey:
Zines: Chill Polyamory, Love Without Emergency, LinkedPodcasts:** Queen City, Multiamory
On the fear of commitment:
When explaining non-monogamy to folks wrestling with the idea of commitment, I like to ask, "Do you believe parents who expect their second or third child are any less loving and supportive to their first?" Parents are no less committed to raising their first child than their second or third, and so on. I'm not afraid to commit to one person; I'm deeply in love and committed to my primary partner, just as I am to my other partners. Time management is key.
Franklin, 50
The appeal of polyamory:
Polyamory offers the opportunity to discover and refine our sense of supportive, loving intimacy, without burdening one individual with everything. It challenges traditional notions of intimacy and helps us connect with different individuals in our lives on a deeper level.
Advice for those considering polyamory:
Honesty is paramount. Be forthright about your emotions, whether it's regarding sex, feelings, timing, or space. Being deceptive or dishonest could lead to relationship breakdowns and resentment. Take your time.
Useful resources:
I've read articles, books, and more on this topic, but you should create something that suits your needs best. Books can spark conversation, but you need to start with what feels comfortable and craft a journey that fosters emotional honesty.
Misconception dispelled:
Absolutely not: the emotional attachments are genuine and can be very profound. While polyamory might have associations with casual sex, it goes far beyond that, with many romantic relationships involving more emotional involvement than just sex.
Lulu, 30
On stereotypes:
Contrary to popular belief, polyamory isn't about wild sex parties or hooking up with everyone we meet. We're no different than anyone else; we care about the world, other people, and ourselves. We have jobs, hobbies, and simply want to fulfill our emotional needs through multiple relationships.
Advice for those considering polyamory:
Pursue polyamory for the right reasons. If you're considering it because something's missing in your life or you're trying to repair damage, it will likely not work. It has brought joy and beautiful memories to my life, but it can shed light on issues that need addressing. If someone invites you to explore polyamory, ensure their decision is theirs alone.
Resources for newbies:
Your primary partner is your best resource, but open, honest discussions are essential. Reading books can help you navigate this journey, like Opening Up, The Ethical Slut, and More Than Two.
Embracing jealousy:
Of course there's jealousy. As humans, we have insecurities and doubts. The difference lies in actively working through jealousy, understanding its root cause, and focusing on self-reflection and communication instead of placing blame on others.
Mark, 27
On the societal stigma:
Polyamory is a legitimate lifestyle choice!
Advice for those considering polyamory:
Clear communication is crucial in polyamorous relationships. Remember, being polyam doesn't mean you'll be polyam forever.
Resources to explore:
Being part of the queer community can be helpful, as can Feeld, an app for people curious about polyamory.
Misconceptions debunked:
Contrary to what some might believe, there's no higher chance of STIs if people are safe and conscious of their actions.
Dee, 25
On the nature of polyamory:
Polyamory is about defining relationships that cater to various aspects of who we are, rather than fitting into a single mold imposed by societal expectations. For me, it means I never have to repress my emotions for the sake of societal norms.
Advice for those considering polyamory:
Set aside time for open, honest communication. Multiple relationships can bring a lot of messiness, and ensuring everyone feels heard and valued is crucial. Communication doesn't always solve problems, but it's an opportunity to work through them together.
Resources to check out:
Follow Instagram accounts like @chillpolyamory, @daemonumx, and @salty.world for insights and advice on polyamory and related topics.
On the benefits of multiple relationships:
I believe polyamory allows me to fulfill various aspects of myself through multiple relationships, both committed and less so.
Olivia, 30
Understanding polyamory:
Polyamory can take many forms, and it's all about sharing an important part of yourself with others while maintaining clear communication and boundaries.
Advice for those considering polyamory:
Society has taught us to believe that fulfillment should come from a single person. However, putting pressure on ourselves to be everything for each other can be stifling. Instead, learn to negotiate and practice flexibility in your relationships.
Resources to help your journey:
Read The Ethical Slut, especially if you're straight or curious. Connect with polyamory communities online to learn, share and grow.
Misconceptions addressed:
Polyamorous individuals don't necessarily have different morals than monogamous folks. I pride myself on having strong morals, including refusing to suppress my emotions and expressing love freely.
Francesca, 21
Embracing polyamory:
Polyamory allows me to express my love for people without fear, helping me feel liberated from societal expectations.
Advice for those curious about polyamory:
Don't feel guilty about exploring your curiosity or wanting something different. People have likely been polyam for centuries—it's just that there haven't been appropriate terms until recently.
Resources to explore:
Follow @shrimpteeth on Instagram for advice and graphics tailored to polyam individuals.
Dispelling myths:
Polyamorous individuals are not necessarily any less moral than their monogamous counterparts. In fact, I have incredibly strong morals, and one of those is to refuse to limit my love to just one person, even if I might feel love for many people.
- Corinne, in discussing the nature of polyamory, emphasizes that it is a more encompassing term for various non-monogamous arrangements, not just open relationships with no emotional attachment.
- Corinne advises those curious about polyamory to reflect on what creates a sense of romantic safety, communicate openly about their reasons for exploring non-monogamy, and establish boundaries to manage difficult emotions like jealousy.
- Lulu highlights that stereotypes about polyamory being synonymous with wild sex parties or casual hookups are misleading, and encourages those considering polyamory to pursue it for genuine emotional fulfillment after reflecting on their intentions.
- Mark emphasizes the societal stigma around polyamory, advocating for clear communication and flexibility in relationships while acknowledging that people's commitment to polyamory might not last forever.
- Franklin debunks the myth that emotional attachments in polyamory are insincere, stating that they can be as deep and profound as those in monogamous relationships.
